Abnormal

Abnormal: I don’t fit past the dyrer. At least it’s a good excuse to have Travis do all the laundry. Abnormal: Couldn’t even get the photo right–I promise my right hand is actually attached to an arm, despite how the cropping makes it appear otherwise.

When I was crying in the car on Saturday, (Confession: there has been a lot of crying lately. Thanks a ton, pregnancy hormones! I mean, I’m sure even without the hormones, there would have been some crying. Moving is super stressful, after all. But seriously, pregnancy hormones have made me kind of a crazy crier. It really doesn’t take much to set off the waterworks. It’s a good thing I have waterproof mascara. A good cry every now and then is therapeutic, but now it’s just giving me a headache. P.S. – Mom, please don’t worry too much, I’m ok. Just a little weepy.)

Anyway, when I was crying in the car on Saturday, I was trying to figure out why I’ve been feeling so on edge. And I said to Travis, “It’s just that every single part of my life is abnormal right now.” And as soon as I said that out loud, a little light bulb went off.

If I had to describe my life in one word lately, it’s abnormal. My body, my home, my dogs, my emotions, the weather, Travis (as he adjusts to a new job and big ol’ life changes).

I’ve gotten lost every time I’ve driven somewhere (Even though Monterey is tiny, the streets are all twisty and confusing.) I did the dishes but couldn’t put away the cookie sheet because I didn’t know which cabinet the rest of them are in. Our living room has a whole wall of floor-to-ceiling windows that are beautiful and let in tons of light, but we live on a busy street, and the dogs bark like crazy all day at passersby. I wake up every morning with a shooting pain in my back, and that bad boy likes to reappear throughout the day. We don’t know anyone here, and we’re worried about not finding a church. You get the point.

There is no routine. We can’t decide where to hang our artwork. Travis and I don’t yet have a short hand for life here, so we keep not being on the same page about trivial things. I’m so confused by how to get started with cloth diapers. I need a haircut and new glasses, which means I need to find a new hair stylist and eye doctor, not to mention a pediatrician and child care. Every day feels like it requires so many decisions. Like I said, abnormal.

BUT, I know this is temporary.

I had a dog trainer come to the house yesterday to give us some tools to work with the dogs on the barking. We finally drove the 26 miles to the nearest Babies “R” Us to get a pregnancy wedge. I used it last night and woke up pain free. (!!!) We’re just going to use disposable diapers for the first few weeks, so that we can focus on other stuff and wait until we can see what size Camden needs. We had brunch with Travis’s coworker and his wife and their 2 little ones on Sunday, and it was just delightful. I still need GPS to even travel 1 mile from the house, but I know I’ll get that figured out eventually.

We felt confident that this is where God was bringing us, and a little initial turbulence doesn’t change that. We’re SO excited to meet Camden (And everything stabilizes when you have a newborn, right?). Our house is a great fit for us. The Monterey area is really stunning, with so many cool places to explore. And if crazy crying (and the need for lots of naps) is the worst part of this pregnancy, I consider myself supremely blessed.

Life may be abnormal right now, but maybe that’s also a sign that a new normal is around the corner.

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4 thoughts on “Abnormal

  1. Deryn says:

    Beautiful. Thanks for sharing so intimately and good luck with EVERYTHING!!!!!

  2. cory says:

    I believe it was you that said something like, change…even positive change…is hard but worth it. Thanks for some inspiring words and useful perspective about GREAT changes. (And I can’t wait to meet Camden, too!)

  3. RachaelB says:

    Any big change will take some adjusting. You will have a little adjusting to do still when the baby is born, but you are in this together. It is a miraculous thing to become a parent with the love of your life, and I hope you cherish it, even in the difficult times. And you will feel tons better when (er, after) the baby comes out, I promise. 🙂 It will be so freeing to be able to tie your shoes and bend over again!!! Congratulations, by the way. Love the name.

  4. tracymueller says:

    Thank you for the sweet encouragement, friends!

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